


Ashen Bells

by Aradellia



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, F/M, basically I wanted to make julian cry so this happened, excessive crying, love that that is a tag, post main game cause come on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-15 23:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15423555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aradellia/pseuds/Aradellia
Summary: “Would this even work?”The memories had been taken away for a reason, wiped away like a wave over the sandbars. They walked into the clinic knowing that they would find things both good and bad, but what they didn't expect was the terrifying reminder that death haunted all that came close to their once 'precious' Count.





	Ashen Bells

**Author's Note:**

> I learned through [this](http://thearcanagame.tumblr.com/post/166863597949/happy-friday-would-you-like-to-rank-the) that Julian is more prone to ugly crying then the other big 3, so I wrote this to have Julian cry. also [this](http://thearcanagame.tumblr.com/post/165635114414/is-julian-a-big-or-little-spoon-please-this-is-a) was important too.
> 
> Also to torture my friend, and establish some things for my Apprentice, Vale. Regardless, have fun!

“Would this even work?”

Vale took a moment to ignore Julian’s question, walking in silence alongside he and Asra as they made through the walkways of the city. Night had long since fallen, soaking the colorful streets in night’s veil. Their destination wasn’t too far from the shop, but it didn’t worry Vale.

They had finally ended Vesuvia’s biggest problem and menace. Through bloodshed and unmatched amounts of magic and luck and will, Lucio was finally gone. The plague had finally left Vesuvia’s lands. The city could finally rest easy knowing now they wouldn’t have to worry about death or consequence.

They had all agreed, now with Lucio’s menace off their shoulders, that they would seek out the rest of their memories, gaps still plain to see despite having regained many of them. One of the biggest was in her own memories.

She needed to know what happened after Asra left. She needed to know what would begin her slide toward her death at the hands of the ovens on the Lazaret. It had left so many questions in her: just what she had done alongside Julian those years ago, working to find a cure, to help the people just as Julian did.

“I’ve done it before,” she says confidently, smiling as they reach the square, and the long abandoned clinic sits across from them, “Back in the beginning… touching certain things, stretching my magic out to touch it, I could… look into the memories they hold. I think I can do the same with your clinic.”

Asra looked at her with concern. She was, supposedly, back to her full magical strength, but the limits of her magic were never confirmed, not even Asra had any clue what she could do. She had been exploring and learning her limits and her abilities, finding herself at a point where she didn’t have a clue what to do with this power. It was evident though that she knew much more than Asra, at least her body and the depths of her consciousness knew more.

Coming to the doors, they all paused before it. A two story building built alongside a few homes, a shop once opened to selling baubles from faraway lands. Its windows were shuttered, a scrap of paper stick into the wood of the door. A note most likely posted to tell the neighborhood the clinic was long gone.

The building immediately calls out to her, an unbearable familiarity and warmth that rivaled her shop. It was full of happiness and joy, despite it being the last place she would be before she fell to the plague’s once undying grasp.

Her feet move her to the door, Asra’s questioning call deaf to her ears. She finds herself before the door, reaching out to touch the weathered wood. It’s as cool as the air around them, the grain rough to her touch. She looks closer, realizing the white and red symbol once painted on it had been chipped away. The image of a single snake coiled around a long rod comes to her easily, willing her magic to bring it back once again.

It sparks across her fingers, answering her will as the paint returns to the wood. She steps away from the door, admiring the mark reborn again.

Julian comes then to the door, turning to her for a moment before trying the handle, yanking it toward him with more force then probably needed. The door budges, the lock crumbling away after years of neglect. With another tug, the door swings open, letting out the stale air within.

“Shall we?” Julian says as he turns to Vale and Asra.

Her magic sparks wildly around her, drawing both of the men’s concern as she sways slightly. It was a stronger reaction than she expected, drawn into the pull of what remained inside. The memories of walking from the shop to the clinic everyday coming with ease. The dim streets just before dawn and the stirring of life, speaking with another nurse who helped her come into the fold of medicine.

She dug her nails into her arms, willing her everything to calm down. She had to keep control, she had to keep it together. This was not just her venture into the past, to reveal the real events of what happened. This was Julian’s past as well, intertwined with her forever. This would be Asra’s first look into what she did after they had separated.

“I’m okay.” her voice shakes, but she has it under control in a minute.

Asra still puts his hand on her shoulder, using his own magic to help stabilize her own. She thanks him softly before taking a deep breath, looking to Julian framed in the threshold of his clinic.

It was like coming home, stepping into the quiet and dark halls of the clinic. She grabbed an abandoned candle off the wall, lighting it with a snap of her fingers to give them light. Leaving behind the dust covered waiting area, she led them into the curtained patient rooms. The lingering scent of blood was prevalent in the air, the static of lingering unsettled energy putting her on edge.

She handed her candle to Julian, kneeling down into the dark. She sought out what she could find, snapping her fingers and bringing the room into a dim light. Several candles in random places lit all at once, casting shadows against the curtained sections of the room. Julian let out a sigh of relief, thankful that no bodies awaited them in the shadows.

“We can start here. Picking up memories won’t be an issue.” Vale announced.

Julian set the candle in his hands on the ground as they gathered around it. Accessing memories lingering behind in places wasn’t hard for her, nearly everywhere she went sparked a moment of recollection, of deja vu under her skin. Here, among the beds of long gone patients, she knew of all that she did here.

“Are you sure you can do this, Vale?” Asra asks her again, the fear in his eyes bright even in the dim candlelight.

“Absolutely.” Her resolve was as solid as steel, and she had no intention of backing away. “What I’m going to do is take all of us into the memories. We won’t be tethered to our physical bodies, and we’ll be kept close to the me in the memories.”

Asra nodded, though when she looked to Julian, she could see the fear coming off of him. He had gotten used to her magic now, so it wasn’t the prospect of stepping out of the physical plane. She reached out and took his hand, surprised for a second that he gravitated to it.

“How much will we see?” Julian’s voice is low, and Vale know what he’s looking for in an instant.

“As much as you want. I… don’t know what all happened here, but I’ll try.”

Julian nods solemnly, looking to the flickering candle. He squeezes her hand and finally nods, taking a deep breath. They were here, and there would no going back until they found what could be brought out.

“Let’s get this started then, Vale.” Julian says, flashing a smile to her, and then to Asra.

Vale takes Asra’s hand then, closing her eyes to focus on the energies of Asra and Julian, on the energy in the room. Finding markers to lock onto, places and smells and sounds that she could just grasp. The sound of a hopeful laugh breaks through the nighttime rhythm, sinking her into a well of relief. The breeze of the outside as they opened the windows to let in the air.

Opening her eyes, she was met with dazzling sunlight reflecting off shined candleholders. She stood up abruptly, looking around as she was met with the sight of several nurses and apprentices darting in and out of rooms, tending to the few people who were in the beds around her. There was a murmur of concern as one door closed somewhere nearby, but otherwise it was as alive and welcoming as it should be.

“This is…”

Julian, appearing then beside her, shook his head in disbelief, couldn’t hold back the emotions around them. She could see the shimmering of his eyes, tears threatening to form as he relished in the past.

“This was home. All of it.”

“Amazing…” she can hear Asra whisper, but her focus shifts to the stairs leading to the second floor.

She can hear her own laughter, and its apparent they can also hear it with the look they shared. She blinks the sunlight of her eyes, and she’s upstairs now, watching in disbelief as the memory comes without pause.

Seated on two plush brown chaises facing one another were herself and Julian, locked into a more then comfortable conversation over what appeared to be a morning break. Julian was without his eyepatch, face clear of stress or exhaustion. If anything, he looked healthy and happy and brilliant.

Seeing herself, what she was now nearly four years ago, it was almost terrifying. Her hair lay around her shoulders, framing her face like a fiery halo, a circlet of gold around her head swaying as she moved her head. Two ribbons with gold additions were attached to either side of her circlet, the shine of two diamonds reflecting the light coming in. She was dressed in similar attire to Julian, a standard doctor’s overshirt and black pants.

She could vaguely feel Julian and Asra join her as she finally caught what was happening.

_“Oh come on, Jules. You cannot be telling the truth.”_

_Julian sets down his cup of coffee, raising his hands in submission, but that shit-eating smirk is still on his face. He wasn’t playing games with her this time around, and he wouldn’t admit to such lies to such a person as her._

_“It’s all true, I swear on my heart and soul. It was all real, and I saw it with my own eyes.”_

_Vale shook her head, rolling her eyes as Julian laughed to himself, taking another large drink of his third cup of morning coffee. It was one of the few days he hadn’t been instructed to come to the palace for more plague research, meaning he could finally dedicate some well needed time at the clinic._

_She was obviously not convinced, of course. She set her cup of tea down, and gave Julian a ‘yeah, right’ look. Julian stood with his defense._

_“I swear, it’s all real!”_

_“As much as I want to believe the Count having a room for nothing but that, I just can’t.”_

_“It’s real, it exists, he showed me.”_

_Vale walks around the coffee table between, watching Julian like a hawk circling its prey. Julian hides the shutter that rolls up his back with ease, keeping relaxed as he finished off his cup of coffee. She settled for leaning over the chaise, and leaning over his shoulder._

_“There’s no way.”_

_Julian looked over his shoulder, adjusting his spot so he can brace his arm on the top of the chaise to look at her, little room separating them now._

_“There is, and its hidden in the palace.”_

_“Jules, the bubble room is more believable than a magically sealed dining hall.”_

_Julian shrugged his shoulders, unsure of how to convince her of its reality. “It’s the Count’s personal space, if it makes it easier to believe.”_

_“Perhaps,” Vale conceded, but still she’s unconvinced, “But why keep a dining hall to himself, sealed with something even he can’t use? We all know the magic that he claims to have is just a court magician playing tricks.”_

_“Oh, we all know that. That’s why I’m telling you about it.”_

_“Hm?”_

_Julian’s expression turns almost serious, perhaps a tad fearful of it. He sets his empty cup down on the coffee table._

_“I had no idea it was magically sealed until one of the servants explained it to me. I hadn’t noticed a thing. I figured maybe you knew a thing or two.”_

_Vale hums thoughtfully, several emotions fluttering across her expression. Usually, unless the magic was cursed based, or extremely powerful, it could be felt, spotted, or located. Magic used to seal up an entire dining hall was no good sign._

_“I know a lot more than a thing or two, but… just keep an eye on Lucio and the Court if you can. Whatever magic he has at his disposal, it’s not something to think idly of it.”_

_Her expression clouds as she thinks on the possibilities and needs for a hidden dining hall like that. What was the inside made of, or what awaited within it? Magic like that was meant to hide, to keep it sealed until needed, but what would Lucio need to keep sealed?_

_“For now, just keep a keen eye out. It should be okay as long as the Count doesn’t drag you there again.”_

_Julian nods, standing up with coffee cup in hand to get another serving of coffee. Vale chastises him for it, of course, warning him that his hand will be shaking for hours. He chuckles that his hands were as sure as the light, he wouldn’t be shaking anytime soon._

_“Doctor Devorak!”_

The call of Julian’s last name broke the memory, letting it scatter around them like dust. She hadn’t expected Julian to be alright with magic, though perhaps they really had been different back then. Opening her eyes to the dark and desolate patient room again, she felt a sweeping sense that they still had much to find.

Asra had broken out of the memory earlier then she and Julian, as he was pacing the room for a moment, looking to them as they came back. Asra had a weaker connection to this place, to these memories. Perhaps even, he couldn’t handle seeing it.

She looked to Julian, realizing that he had been out of the memory before her as well. Had she seen more than them, or perhaps did she linger too long after the memory was lost. Unlike Asra, who was visibly calm if not a little rattled, Julian showed every drop of elation, horror, and guilt that came from seeing that memory again.

“...ready for the next one?”

Julian looked up from the floor, running his hands over his cheeks before nodding. Asra rejoined them on the ground, taking a breath and evening out his aura. Julian watched as Asra’s hair fluffed up before settling again, Asra’s eyes shining in the darkness before settling again.

“Everyone okay?” Vale asked, knowing what these memories would do to them.

Asra settled with his legs crossed. “Doing alright.”

There’s something a little sad in Asra’s smile, and Julian picks up on it before even she could. He offered his hand to Asra without a word, looking at Asra with a look that spoke. Ever since they had learned of Asra’s deal to bring her back, there was, once again, an odd tone of animosity between them, more so than usual.

Asra took his head, but looked away. It seemed to be enough for Julian, as he looked to Vale.

“Lucio had used that nickname against me after you… died. I hated it with all my being, the way he said it. Hearing it from you again, it’s… it’s really good. I’m all ready for the next one.”

They returned to the positions they were in, hands together as she sought out the next memory she could grab hold of. Asra’s magic snapped at her fingers, as if angry or worried for her, she couldn’t tell. The cold of Julian’s hand cemented her to the world, pulling from all corners of the clinic to find something, anything.

The whistle of the wind just outside of the clinic, and the call of a distant murder of crows. The chattering of patrons as they made their way back and forth between the bars and hideaways that speckled the backlots behind the clinic. Two candles barely basked her in warmth, allowing her at least the ability to see and write on the parchment she had before her. The smell of fresh ink and gentle jasmine rolled over her.

Opening her eyes once more, she found herself not far from where they were, tucked into one of the rooms separating the waiting room and the patient’s section. She was hunched over a desk, quill in hand and two inkwells alongside her as she scribbled and wrote away on fresh parchment. Her hair was falling out of its braid down her back, leaving wavy strands to frame her face. Two candles were positioned on her desk to give her light, a third by the door to give her some sight outside.

It was the dead of the night, the sound of cheering just barely heard over the solace of silence the clinic brought.

Asra materialized first alongside her, and then Julian, who stood by her memory self’s side, looking down to what was being written.

“That’s-”

They were cut short by the sound of a door unlocking and opening. They went silent, and watched the memory play out.

_“Is anyone here?”_

_Vale looked up from her work, surprised that Julian would return to the clinic instead of heading home after spending the day in the Palace. She called out where she was, continuing to write as Julian peeked into the room._

_“Vale. What are you still doing here?”_

_Vale didn’t turn away from her work to reply, dipping her quill into the inkwell once more, tapping it twice, and continued to write._

_“Finishing up a report, reorganizing Giselle’s notes from Doctor Vargess since she’s still learning how to write. Maybe a few others things.”_

_Julian shook his head, obviously not surprised by her actions but also not too happy about her extended stay at the clinic. He shrugged off his coat and set it on the chair tucked into the corner, coming up behind her to evaluate what she had done so far._

_Her work was a mix of several parchments, several already set aside to dry and preserve the writing. The first was a completed report on several patients that had come and gone out of the doors of the clinic, minor cases fearful of the plague ravaging family members and friends. None had obvious signs of the plague, nor had they reported any uncommon loss of blood. It detailed some reasons for the hysteria around contracting the plague, and possible signs they should keep an eye out for in the future._

_The next one was a list of notes and details concerning their meeting with the now late Doctor Vargess, who had been the first to realize that the sclera of infected plague victims would only start to turn red after the first ‘episode’ as he described it, what they had figured out so far to be an instance of vomiting or sudden blood loss. Giselle’s original notes lay next to it, and it was a grand improvement compared to the original, so they could refer to it later._

_The last one was most interesting to Julian. It was two parchments worth of sketches, mostly of eyes and notes scribbled along them concerning the red scleras of plague victims. There were also sketches of hands and heads, one from a more recent and gruesome experiment they had to perform for a woman. Technically, it was more of a dissection then a vivisection since the man had just passed of the plague, but they had opened his skull to see if there was something involved with the brain instead of the blood, but they found nothing._

_The current parchment she was working on detailed another report, concerning the recent wave of victims toward the shopping district that was bringing an insurge of fleeing and frightened citizens to their district._

_“I think you’ve done enough work for one night, Vale.”_

_She shook her head. “I want to finish this, before I lose my train of thought. I’ll be done soon.”_

_Julian’s expression turned serious as he plucked her quill out of her hand, splattering a few drops of ink across her desk._

_“Hey-!”_

_“Vale, you’ve done this now three nights in a row. I realize I’m going to come off as a bit of a hypocrite with this, but you need to sleep. No good work is going to get done with you half gone with sleep deprivation. Especially not if we’re going to find a way to stop it.”_

_Vale’s anger deflated as she was scolded, slumping against her desk with a deep sigh. She smeared the ink that had splattered on her desk across it, rubbing her ink stained fingers together with little care. Julian set the quill down alongside the inkwells, moving the other chair up so he could sit down next to her._

_“I… I’m just afraid of missing something. There’s more and more bodies coming up, and now that the Count has the crematorium on the Lazaret, we could miss so many clues.”_

_“We can only do what we can, Vale. As frustrating as it is, there are limits.”_

_Vale looked at Julian with a cold stare, blinking it away after a moment. She couldn’t be mad at him, there was no reason to be mad at him at all. He was doing the same thing she was, they were working themselves to the bone for one reason only: to help people and save the city._

_“Has work in the Palace gotten you anything?” she asked._

_Julian looked away from her for a moment. “Not much. Volunteers are in short supply now, and we’re losing doctors left and right. Valdemar is having a field day, though.”_

_“Of course they would. But any leads, any progress, anything at all?”_

_Julian dropped his gaze to the sketches, tracing around one of the eyes drawn with a finger._

_“No. We’ve found nothing breakthrough.”_

_Vale looked over her notes, disappointment all over her expression. They only had an inkling of understanding about what the plague did, and they still had nothing to start work on a plague. There was no confirmed reason for it infecting people so quickly, nor why it killed most people so quickly and efficiently._

_She slides the parchment away from her, looking to Julian as she slides her chair out and stretches out her arms slowly. She pulls her gloves off slowly, setting them on the desk as well. She knew he was right about sleep, about taking breaks. It just didn’t help that this past month had been absolute hell, and they were trying to race something so much faster than them._

_“Okay, Jules, you win. I’ll pack up and head home.”_

_Julian smiled, relieved to know she would get some rest soon. He stood up slowly, helping her gather up her stacks of parchment into neater piles._

_“Need a moment before heading out?” he asked, noticing as she hesitated for her cloak she had hanging up._

_“Ah, yeah. I won’t be long, I promise.”_

_“Meet me by the door.”_

_As Julian leaves, and the door swings closed behind him, Vale slumps down to the ground, as if dropped from the air. She clutches her arms, shaking and trembling as if in a storm. The shaking passed shortly, but it left her short of breath. Her lungs felt compressed and closed, leaving her stumbling back onto her hands, trying to get another breath. Her magic discharged around her, threatening to set fire to the clinic if it got worse._

_She whispered a hasty spell, coughing hard into her hands as she calmed herself down. She didn’t bother looking into her palm, wiping away the blood splatters off on her overshirt. She paused before the mirror in her room, whispering another spell to hide away the red of her sclera._

_It had been months, she could hold it together. Tonight had been rough is all, and being found by Julian hadn’t helped her. She didn’t want him to worry about her. If he was going to do more research and work in the dungeons of the palace with Quaestor Valdemar, then she would do her own in her own way._

_“Just a little longer,” she told her reflection, watching the spell take hold and hiding it all away, “I’m almost there. Just a little longer...”_

_With all evidence gone, she threw on her cloak and made for the door to leave with Julian._

_“Sorry for the wait, Jules. Let’s get going home.”_

Vale was thrown out of the memory, gasping for air that didn’t seem to fill her lungs. Every part of her buzzed angrily, growing nauseous at what she had seen. It couldn’t be real, every part of her begged, but the deepest part of her told her blatantly enough.

That was real. It was all real.

She had willingly continued to work and fight even with the plague. She had survived it for so long… but how? Why? How was it possible?

Her confusion left her unprepared for what awaited in reality. Asra’s hands were rough as they grabbed her shoulder, tears slipping down his cheeks as he shook her.

“Why?!”

“I…”

He choked on a sob, lost under the knowledge that she had really contracted the plague, kept it secret, hid it away in the name of others. She grabbed Asra’s wrists as he shook her futilely, fighting everything to deny what he was shown.

“Why, tell me why!”

“I don’t know! I don’t… I don’t know.” she begged, pulling his hands off of her shoulders.

Asra scooted back, clutching himself before glaring at Julian, but it faded as quickly as the memory had slinked away.

Julian sat motionless, barely moved out of where he was for the memory. The color had run out of his face, leaving only the ghostly white of his skin in the moonlight, and the stream of tears running down his cheeks. He didn’t even look up, staring down at his hands as if they weren’t there. He didn’t bother with wiping his tears, overwhelmed with emotions he didn’t want to feel, memories he didn’t want to remember again.

“Julian?”

They were thrown into another memory without warning. Julian and Asra didn’t disappear this time as they were thrown into it, leaving them now in a memory she didn’t know, without anything to guide her to its familiarity. The morning light was peeking through the open windows, and the sound of morning birds crying out broke the silence that settled in the wood of the clinic.

The sound of the lock turning turned her and Asra’s attention to the door, but Julian stayed on the floor. For a moment, she was afraid Julian was hurt, but as he covered his mouth with his hands, eyes closing as his tears continued to fall, she was hit with cold realization.

This wasn’t her memory, nor was it Asra’s.

This was Julian’s memory.

_“Vale?”_

_Julian walked in, confused as to why the clinic was still locked up. Normally, Vale beat him into the clinic on any good day, especially when he was stuck down in the dungeons the night before. To arrive later than normal, and find the clinic still locked up and dark, made him uneasy as to what he would find. Was Vale okay?_

_He peeked into the office she normally huddled into, finding nothing out of the ordinary inside. The usual ink stains on the desk, an inkwell uncapped after a long night of writing and sketching. A half falling over pile of parchments drying off to the side. She wasn’t in there._

_“Vale, are you here?”_

_Silence met him on the first floor, confusing him further. Perhaps she had fallen asleep upstairs, and was a heavy sleeper? He ascended the stairs, hoping he would find her laid out on one of the chaises, but as he entered he found nothing. Not a teacup out on the table, nor a pillow out of place. Had Vale not come in this morning?_

_He was looking through the papers on his desk when he could hear the door open downstairs. He came rushing down, Vale’s name on his lips before it died upon seeing Gisella and Marcus. His sudden arrival from the second floor didn’t scare them, though. Instead, Gisella looked away from him upon catching his eyes, and Marcus seemed to avoid him altogether._

_“Gisella, Marcus… good morning.”_

_Neither returned his greetings, at least until Gisella, finally turned to him after attempting to hide alongside Marcus. Her eyes were sunken in, cheeks flushed red. She looked exhausted. Gisella wasn’t one to come in if things were bad; she was prone to nightmares involving the patients who ended up dying in their beds at the clinic. Why would she come in such a state?_

_“Is everything alright, Gisella?”_

_Gisella wrung her hands together before stepping closer. She took a deep breath, looking back at Marcus before addressing him._

_“We, um… y-you must be wondering if Vale… was here, right?”_

_A cold shiver rolled down his back. Something happened to Vale, he knew it. Gisella was always a tad skittish, but this… something was off, and wrong._

_“Yes. She… she’s late, and the clinic was still locked up. Did you see her this morning? Is she okay?”_

_“Well-”_

_Marcus stepped up behind Giselle, putting his hand on her shoulder to help her collect herself. She seemed to calm down with Marcus there, and with a breath, she finally broke the silence terrifying Julian to the core._

_“W-We ran into her last night, when she was leaving. Doctor, Julian, I’m-”_

_Gisella shuddered, and Julian couldn’t control the terrifying chill over him. Marcus let Gisella hide herself in his arms. He broke the news with no gentle ease into it._

_“We found Vale in a puddle of her own blood, Doctor Devorak. She had the plague. We did what we could, but, in the end...”_

_Every bit of hope was snuffed out of him instantly, any bit of warmth he could feel from the clinic leached out in an instant. It didn’t feel real, nothing around him felt real. The color drained out of his face, every part of him screaming that it was a lie, that it was someone who looked like Vale. There was no way she had the plague, there was no possible way!_

_“Doctor Devorak?!”_

_He didn’t even realizing he started running. He didn’t know where he could run to, but his feet took him out of the clinic in a blind dash. Nothing would convince him that she was gone, there was no way she had been a victim of the plague. She showed no signs, her eyes hadn’t gone red, she didn’t report feeling ill at all. Admittedly, he had been stuck in the palace for days now, unable to get much time in the clinic, but there had to be a reason for her to not be there. He didn’t want to believe it, there was no possible way-_

_The sound of the ocean drew him out of his dizzying pace, skidding to a stop before an abandoned dock, rope that held the parked boats dragging against the waves. Looking out against the dawn skyline, he could see the boats making their way to the Lazaret, lit by red lanterns. Around him, blood red eyes looked at him curiously, sick sheep readying to be taken to the slaughter just a boat trip away._

_It couldn’t be real, his heart screamed. It wasn’t the truth, his soul cried out._

_Watching the smoke begin to rise once again into the pink dawn sky, he knew the terrifying answer._

_He didn’t know when he collapsed to his knees, or when the dock eventually emptied of the few people waiting for their boats to return._

_He remembered the tears that slipped through his fingers as he tore at his hair, and begged for it to be all an endless nightmare. He remembered the dock all but being abandoned in an hour as the last victims were carted from this section of town._

_He all too well remembered screaming out his despair to the red-tinted sea for failing to save her._

She was whiplashed out of the memory, left crying out as she woke up. She could barely hear around her, registering that someone was yelling. As she blinked away the blurriness of the tears in her eyes, she was met with the sight of the clinic door wide open, Asra getting off the ground, and Julian long gone.

“Julian!”

She stumbled as she stood up, and as she gathered her footing, she dashed out in search of him. She immediately stretched out her magic in search of him, feeling him resonate from her right. She urged herself faster, pushing her legs as hard as they could to catch up to Julian as he ran away.

Dawn was peeking out over the buildings when she finally collapsed in need of air, gasping each and every breath as her lungs burned. She hadn’t caught up to him, nor had she found him. She summoned what energy she had left, and sought him out again.

A hit, not far from where she made refuge to breathe. She struggled to stand up, pressing against the wall of the alley she was in to get back on her feet. With a wish to keep going, she pushed herself toward where she could sense him.

She found him as the town began to awaken out of a night that felt like forever. Huddled behind salted boxes in an attempt to hide, Julian was doing his best to make his presence unknown to anyone.

She knocked on a box, and made for Julian’s exit, blocking him before he could bolt away. He slammed into her, knocking both of them off their feet into a tangle of limbs. She forced herself up first, grabbing hold of Julian’s shirt before he could scramble away.

“Stop. Julian, stop, it’s me.”

Julian whimpered and begged her to let go, struggling to get a grip on her hands. Tears splashed against her knuckles, but she didn’t let go. She wasn’t going to have him run himself into the ground again.

“STOP!”

He sobbed, struggling against her hold, but he didn’t fight her any further. His grip was solid now around her wrists, his hands shaking so much, she had no clue how he could hold onto her. She let go of his shirt, trying to catch his eyes, but he refused to meet hers. She cupped his cheeks, wiping away the tears as they fell as quick as rain.

“Look at me, Julian…”

He shook his head, shuddering as a whole body sob rocked him. He was lost in the overwhelming aftermath of his own memories, lost in how to handle them. She sat there with him, wiping his tears as they came, ignoring the dampness of the ground underneath them, and held him as he dissolved into tears.

She didn’t know how much time passed, how they had kept the alley to themselves, but the sun was lighting their alley as Julian shuddered and leaned heavily onto her, gripping her clothes with an iron tight grasp. She pressed kisses to his head, brushing through his hair, unable to make out the words he whispered into her shoulder.

“Come on, Julian… let’s get you somewhere better than the alley. It’ll be okay. I promise.”

* * *

 

Even after returning to Mazelinka’s for the night, Julian let tears be shed in silence, refusing to look at either Vale and Mazelinka as they fell down his cheeks. After seeing the raw memory of when he learned of her death, and how he had gone all about catatonic, she feared that he would return to his destructive patterns again, unable to handle his past once more. It was ugly and terrifying, and she knew it would be, but having it come to this degree made her feel worse for ever suggesting it.

“What all happened?” Mazelinka asked as she stepped back from her brew, examining the bowl full of myrrh she had.

Vale twisted the empty bowl she had in her hands. “We wanted to really know what happened… in the past. We went to Julian’s clinic and memory wandered.”

“That’s a powerful bit of magic,” Mazelinka grunted, setting aside the myrrh, “I had always ‘eard that eyesore of a boy wasn’t the only powerful magician ‘round these parts.”

Vale couldn’t help but chuckle, though it came out a bit more sour than she wanted. “Asra can be a bit of an eyesore sometimes.”

A silence settled between them, not so charged but still a little awkward. Mazelinka lingered her gaze on Vale for a moment, waiting for more to be told. Vale knew she could easily divulge everything to the woman, but it didn’t help her nerves as much as she wanted.

“I got it to work, no issue. The clinic… held a lot of memories for me. But it wasn’t just me who had too many painful memories there… Mazelinka-”

Mazelinka raised her hand, drawing Vale’s eyes from the bits of porridge left on the edges of her bowl.

“I had heard ‘bout your passing, Vale. Back then, Julian was ever a point of talk for a lot of folks. When we started hearing that the assistant Julian had kept so close had been taken by the plague, we knew it would be bad. One of the boys near the Raven had gone to see how the clinic was holding up after the news spread.

“I was surprised the clinic was still in one piece.”

Vale’s eyes dropped to the floor, a new piece of guilt nestled into her chest. Despite it now being all over, and despite knowing now exactly what had happened during her tenure with Julian, it hurt knowing what effect her passing had on so many. From how it had devastated Julian and motivated him beyond belief to search for a cure, to how Julian’s loss had flowed into the people around him. He had been so charismatic then, so caring and selfless, refusing to fret on problems, and letting the public in so he could help.

“You never questioned… why I was alive again.” she found herself saying, getting a crooked smile from Mazelinka.

“You didn’t hear it from me, darling, but… I’ve learned after many years never to question just how much magic can do. Besides,” she swept around back to her brew, ladling some of it into a testing bowl, “I never got to see ya back then. We just knew you were a magician, doing what you could for us at Julian’s side. It was enough for me.”

Vale found herself smiling. It was hard not to smile with Mazelinka, the darling that she was. Standing, Vale moved to put her bowl back into the small kitchen, coming back to Mazelinka’s side to test the brew. It was a dark rose color, almost like wine, though the texture was more thick, like a smoothie.

It took a moment for the taste to click.

“I figured you would have made the golden sleeping draught, Mazelinka.”

Mazelinka gave her crooked smile again, taking the bowl from Vale and tasting it herself. Seemingly satisfied, she set it aside with the rest of her ingredients.

“With you here, I trust he’ll sleep. What he needs now is something to calm ‘im down, relax him. Nothing better than a Nevivon brew I picked up a long time ago.”

Vale didn’t question how Mazelinka got a hold of a Nevivon recipe, choking it up to either Julian spilling on it or her supposed ‘pirate days’ Julian told her about a few times. Nevertheless, it would hopefully be a thing to help get Julian feeling better. With the brew down and ladled into two bowls, Mazelinka went to cleaning, but not before ordering Vale to take care of Julian.

She didn’t need the order, in all honesty, but she knew that Mazelinka worried for Julian just as much. Quietly, Vale parted the partition, and slipped into the hole.

The air was heavier within, and it took a moment for Vale to even find Julian tucked up far into the alcove the twin bed was nestled into. He had curled up into himself, long legs tucked up to his chest, head buried in his knees. His auburn hair hid anything that she could have seen of his face, but the tremor of his hands and arms was clue enough as to how Julian was doing.

Vale set down the bowls carefully on the bedside table, standing before the bed, watching Julian with worried eyes. He didn’t even seem to react to her coming in. She carefully joined him on the bed, climbing in knee first. As the bed shift, so did Julian’s head, just barely lifting up from his knees to look at her, red-rimmed eyes looking up at her through auburn curtains.

“Vale…”

The bed was never really big enough for both of them, despite their success in finding ways to fit them both. She settles in front of Julian, resting her hands on his knees to settle herself. He watches her apprehensively, the stress in his shoulders evident to her. She can tell even through his hair that he was still crying, his cheeks and ears red as the locks that try to hide it. She reaches out to move his hair, only to be met with Julian flinching back from her.

“Jules…”

The nickname makes him whimper, hiding back in his knees with a shuddering gasp. Vale had feared reliving those memories, experiencing the pain and suffering of that moment, would shake him, maybe even break him. It was devastating enough watching that memory, seeing what guilt he had immediately put on himself for letting her slip away. To watch him break down like this once again, lost in the knowledge that in the end he had almost messed everything up…

“Julian.”

She reached out again, finding his chin hiding beneath his hair. He didn’t fight her as she lifted his face back up out of his knees, his hair falling out of place to let her see the sickly red of his face, the large tears still slipping out of his eyes, and the tears gathered at his chin. She wiped away a tear from his chin, whispering his name again as he sobbed softly.

The tear that came was wiped away promptly. Her fingers trailed over his cheek, his eyes watching her move. She went for his eyepatch, looking at him for approval. There was a moment of fear in his visible eye, but it faded as quickly as it came. He leaned into her hand, and let her undo the knot behind his head. The patch slipped away from his face like a leaf. She set it aside for safe keeping, and looked at him once again.

His plague-stricken eye never scared her. It was the testament to what he suffered through, what he had to take on. The plague was an unforgiving disaster set on swallowing Vesuvia whole, and it near did. If it hadn’t been for her and Julian, the countless doctors and assistants that came and went, died and fleed, who knows… what would have happened.

She couldn’t help but wonder if… she had survived long enough, if she had pushed her magical boundaries even more, if she would be the same. She had hid it for so long, trying to last as long as Lucio did, but in the end she couldn’t hold out. Much like Mazelinka had told Julian before his mark disappeared, they were still human.

“...you’re still here.”

Julian’s voice was hoarse from his tears, but it didn’t stop his words from sounding soft, unlike how Julian usually spoke. He had been ripped apart, and every single painful memory from that time had come out. There was no way he wouldn’t be so damaged by it.

“I’m still here. Did you think I would leave?”

“I-”

“Jules.”

The nickname made Julian flinch again, but she was determined. She nudged his knees with a hand, watching his expression turn frightful before letting his legs part for her, adjusting his position so she could sit between his legs. Her hands came to cup julian’s face, pulling him just a little closer so her face could catch the light behind her. She had shed her fair share of tears watching those memories, and it showed. She knew Julian didn’t like it, and neither had Asra.

“I didn’t leave when I learned I had died. I didn’t leave when I learned you had been too distracted to save me. And now… knowing exactly what happened… I have no reason to leave.”

“There always is with me, Vale.” he insisted weakly. It was the same arguments he had given her when he tried to break away so long ago, before all of the truth, “You can’t deny that.”

“You’re right. I can’t deny it. But you saw the same thing I did, Julian. I came to you willingly, looking to do just as you did: save people no matter the cost. I.. I hid the fact that I was sick with the plague for so long… in the end I hurt you. I hurt you so much by letting it fester like I did.”

“Don’t-”

Vale shook her head. She wasn’t going to let her actions slide. Julian had fallen apart those years ago because of her. Asra had nearly lost everything because of her. Even if the plague was not her fault, letting it go on as she did, suffering for months… that was her fault.

“Don’t say it wasn’t my fault, or that I shouldn’t blame myself. Escaping the plague, it was impossible then. But I caused so much grief. In the end, it’s my fault. I hurt you… in the beginning, it was all on me. You should have left me.”

“I couldn’t do that,” his voice is thick again with tears, “I couldn’t.”

“And so neither will I. You’re stuck with me, Julian Devorak, whether you like it or not.”

She wipes away his tears as they fall, smiling as one of his hands takes her wrist. She lets him move it to his lips, a small shudder rolling over her as he kisses the pulse point on the inside of her wrist.

He finds a smile in his remaining grief, soft and just enough to pull at the corner of his mouth. It’s raw, and revealing, hiding none of the real, terrifying amount of love he had grown in his heart for her.

“I hope I can show you just how much I like being stuck with you, Valacia.”

The name brings her to a standstill for a moment, shocked that the name was on his lips. She hadn’t gone by her full real name for years. She had told Julian to call her Vale. Perhaps it was Nadia who told him, or Asra had finally revealed it to him. Maybe she had written it on papers she had given to him, revealing a bit of the past she kept to her chest for no discernible reason.

He looks at her now with a look she had always seen Asra give her, a warth that left her feeling like she was floating, a glaze in his eyes like he was looking up at the stars in wonder. Yet it was pointed at her. No, it had always been pointed at her. Those memories, as her death approached, and they grew closer, Julian was looking at her just like this.

Julian tugged her closer, and she followed his summons until she was against his chest, arms instinctually wrapping around his neck to hold him close. She could feel his breathing calm, his heart pounding away like horse hooves. His hands travelled, unsure of where to land, starting at her neck, moving down her back, mapping places and parts he couldn’t help but trace with deft fingers. He was taking in everything as he calmed, finding comfort in her proximity, in all she was.

“When you’re ready… Mazelinka made us something.”

Julian had gone still after finally settling with holding her close, arms around her waist. Perhaps he had been dozing off in her arms, the tears he had cried and all the grief and pain he had gone through and shed off taking their toll. He murmured something, perhaps an acknowledgment of the food available. She didn’t catch it well, but she could tell that sleep would come before food again.

Not that she minded Julian sleeping. After so long with his deal, with all that had happened to him, sleep was perhaps the most needed thing for him.

She looked up at him and gently kissed his cheek, getting the corners of his lips to upturn a little as he opened red rimmed but sleepy eyes. She could see, without a doubt, that Julian had cried himself out. She gently tugs him forward, drawing him from his awkward place on the bed into it proper. He watches her as she pulls him, letting her move him as required. Once she got him laying down, she clambors off the bed to undress.

He closes his eyes as she peels off her overcoat, setting it down in the pile Julian had amassed. Her undershirt would work find to sleep it, it was loose enough and covered enough. She took a seat on the edge of the bed to pull off her boots, setting them side-by-side with Julian’s. She didn’t bother stripping further, instead turning around on the bed to join Julian in another night together.  
  
“Still there, Julian?” She asks softly, curling up alongside Julian.

Julian opens his eyes, looking at her again with that endlessly enamored looked. It still brought a few butterflies to her chest. Quietly, she lifted her hand to move his fringe, smiling as he leaned into her touch, letting her move it out of his face.

“...could you stay? Please.”

“I took off my boots. I’m staying right here, sweetie.”

The pet name got her a shiver, feeling it ripple over his skin as she traced lines along his arm. He whimpered softly, a stray tears slipping down his cheek. She wiped it away as it followed his cheekbone, kissing the spot it was whisked away from. Withdrawing from Julian, she finds his eyes warm with affection. He scoots closer to her, reaching out to push away her pale rose hair.

“Did you really think I would leave you?” she asks softly, her fingers sliding along his cheekbone.

“Even after everything… I can’t help but wonder if this is just an elaborate dream,” Julian admits, closing his eyes, “What I think could have happened if I didn’t hang, that… I never came back from that day.”

She didn’t ever want to think back to that day, watching from the crowd as Julian hung for crimes he didn’t commit, attempting a plan that could have ultimately earned them nothing but a corpse. The thought of losing Julian to a noose had put enough stress on her to send her after him, to make sure he survived, for god’s sake.

“Going for so long without hope for a future, coming back to Vesuvia to pay for crimes I didn’t even understand… accepting that I can rest and… let you in is still terrifying to me. Especially now knowing what I did, what I didn’t do.” Julian continued, opening his eyes again.

“I guess even after everything, it’s hard to believe you’d still stay, that there would be something waiting for us at the end.”

Vale takes a moment to just watch Julian, watching his chest rise and fall, watching his eyes as they look over her. They’ve had conversations about the future before, dreams they’ve told eachother about. She remembered the moments before ending up in the Hanged Man’s realm, exploring a future with Julian that seemed so real, but back then seemed nearly impossible.

“Well… the future is now,” Vale tells him softly, leaning it to kiss his nose, “No more running. No more trials. Just… you and me and a world of opportunity. But it can wait for just a little, so we can sleep and recover.”

Julian chuckled softly. He nodded in approval, not even arguing against sleep. With all that happened today, he was ready for a night of actual good sleep. He turned his back to Vale, earning a confused noise before she sat and realized the tips of his ears were turning red. He looked over his shoulder at her, embarrassment evident suddenly.

It took a moment to Vale to realize what Julian was asking for, and smiled brightly. She would have figured she would be the one wrapped up in Julian’s arms, but she was far from against spooning Julian instead. He needed the comfort, and she knew she would find her own holding him. Realizing he probably he didn’t want to admit what he wanted, she takes the initiative. She presses a kiss to his shoulder.

Julian, being as tall and gangly as he was, presented a little problem for her in terms of where she could really accomplish perfect spooning, but she could get creative. She settled until her head was level with his shoulder blades, pressing her lips there to give Julian some idea of what she was doing scooting around the small bed. She wrapped her arms around his chest, softly laughing as she attempted to get her legs tangled with his, only ending up making Julian complain about his legs already being curled up. She simply told him he needed to shorten himself by six inches and he would be golden.

Their attempts of spooning dissolved into light hearted banter over Julian’s height, and Vale’s lack of height. However, she pointed out she was taller then Asra, which earned her some points. In the end, she cuddled up into Julian’s back, legs successfully tangled without issue. He held onto one of her hands, occasionally looking back at her.

“Sleep not coming easy?” she asked, knowing that sleep was far from a good friend with Julian.

He nodded, obviously wanting to deep under the darkness of sleep, but unable to take the fall under. She squeezed his hand, reassuring him without words that it would be okay. There was still the telltale sign of tension in his shoulders, perhaps out of fear of more nightmares, or being unable to sleep.

She began to sing.

Softly, words she couldn’t recall the meanings for, in a language she had only heard in far off dreams and recently awakened memories. It was a lullaby, she remembered, but further then that she had nothing behind the words. No translation to what they spoke, no understanding of the words that flowed like silk.

She could feel the tension begin to sink off of him, relaxing into her arms as the charms of her unknown lullaby worked their magic. Perhaps there was magic behind her words, her touch, to bring him under the spell of sleep.

It wasn’t much long after until she felt Julian’s breathing even out, and he fall into slumber’s open embrace. It was a blessing to finally have him sleep after everything they’ve had to do, after all that had happened today.

Sleep lingered just outside her reach, but she didn’t mind it much. Just listening to Julian breathing, holding him close, and making sure he knew she was _here_ and here to _stay_ was all that mattered.

“I hope I don’t ever make you cry again, Jules.”


End file.
